The Head of Vecna

A week or two ago, Wizards of the Coast released a new design for D&D's Archlich Vecna, back before he was betrayed by Kas and still had two eyes. He looks like this:

Vecna
.
Here is the final full bodied concept design for D&D’s Vecna. I was tasked with putting together a final look from designs by Ian McCaig, Steve Prescott, Wes Burt and myself. pic.twitter.com/P6U5Sqey2J

— Kieran Yanner (@kieranyanner) June 10, 2022

Vecna
.
Final portrait concept design for D&D’s Vecna. The awesome talents of Ian McCaig and Steve Prescott were also core to concept development of the project. pic.twitter.com/7P46xYglXO

— Kieran Yanner (@kieranyanner) June 9, 2022

As you can imagine given the sharp cheekbones and strong chin, the internet-at-large was very normal about it.

Vecna featuring The Book of Erotic Fantasy.

Continuing with that train of thought, when Nicole saw it, her comment was, "They yassified Vecna..."

And her comment led me to create this monstrosity:

I think I met this guy at the club one time.

Which then prompted this edit of Vecna from the classic Die Vecna Die! cover:

A friend said he looks like an Are You Afraid of the Dark? villain.

And of course, since people were confused about Vecna because of Stranger Things, that led to whatever this is:

This anime protagonist needs moisturizer.

A friend also mentioned Acererak. Acererak the demilich or the regular ol' lich sadly doesn't have enough skin for FaceApp to recognize his face, and the one human picture of Acererak I was thinking about is too low-resolution for the filter to make his face look right:

He looks like a Spongmonkey.

To end this very stupid post, I'll leave you with a friend's ultimate comment about the Vecna redesign:

Happy Pride, everyone!

WAKE UP, AMERICA!!!

I usually try to maintain this as a neutral ground, like the Tenkar's Tavern, but I think this is important enough to merit comment.  In the spirit of Richard T. Balsley's orangelist of RPG professionals, I have compiled my own list of industry professionals that ought to be boycotted.  Don't purchase a role-playing game supplement produced by any of the following:

Birch Bayh
J. W. Fulbright
Fred R. Harris
Harold Hughes
Edward M. Kennedy
George McGovern
Walter Mondale
Edmund Muskie
Gaylord Nelson
William Proxmire
Bella Abzug
William R. Anderson
John Brademas
Father Robert F. Drinan
Robert Kastenmeier
Wright Patman
Shirley Chisholm
William Clay
George Collins
John Conyers
Ronald Dellums
Charles Diggs
Augustus Hawkins
Ralph Metcalf
Robert N.C. Nix
Parren Mitchell
Charles Rangel
Louis Stokes
John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City
Eugene McCarthy, former U.S. Senator
George Wallace, Governor, Alabama
Black Panthers, Hughie Newton
Brookings Institution, Lesley Gelb and others
Business Executives Move for VN Peace--Henry Niles, Nat. Chmn, Vincent McGee, Exec. Director
Committee for an Effective Congress, Russell D. Hemenway
Common Cause, John Gardner, Morton Halperin, Charles Goodell, Walter Hickel
COPE, Alexander E. Barkan
Council for a Livable World, Bernard T. Feld, Prof. Physics, MIT
Farmers Union, NFO
Institute of Policy Study, Richard Barnet, Marcus Raskin
National Economic Council, Inc.
National Education Association, Sam M. Lambert, President
National Student Association, Charles Palmer, President
National Welfare Rights Organization, George Wiley
Potomac Associates, William Watts
SANE, Sanford Gottlieb
Southern Christian Leadership, Ralph Abernathy
Third National Convocation on the Challenge of Building Peace, Robert V. Roosa, Chairman
Businessmen's Educational Fund
Karl Feller, Pres. Internat. Union of United Brewery, Flour, Cereal, Soft Drink and Distillery Workers, Cincinnati
Harold J. Gibbons, International Vice Pres., Teamsters
A. F. Grospiron, Pres., Oil, Chemical & Atomic Workers International Union, Denver
Matthew Guinan, Pres., Transport Workers Union of America, New York City
Paul Jennings, Pres. International Union of Electrical, Radio & Machine Workers, D. C.
Herman D. Kenin, Vice Pres., AFL-CIO, D. C.
Lane Kirkland, Secretary-Treasurer, AFL-CIO (but we must deal with him)
Frederick O'Neal, Pres., Actors and Artists of America, New York City
William Pollock, Pres., Textile Workers Union of America, New York City
Jacob Potofsky, General Pres., Amalgamated Clothing Workers of America, New York City
Leonard Woodcock, President, United Auto Workers, Detroit
Jerry Wurf, International President, American Federal, State, County and Municipal Employees, Washington, D. C.
Nathaniel Goldfinger, AFL-CIO
I. W. Abel, Steelworkers
Jack Anderson, columnist, "Washington Merry-Go-Round"
Jim Bishop, author, columnist, King Features Syndicate
Thomas Braden, columnist, Los Angeles Times Syndicate
D.J.R. Bruckner, Los Angeles Times Syndicate
Marquis Childs, chief Washington correspondent, St. Louis Post Dispatch
James Deakin, White House Correspondent, St. Louis Post Dispatch
James Doyle, Washington Star
Richard Dudman, St. Louis Post Dispatch
William Eaton, Chicago Daily News
Rowland Evans, Jr., syndicated columnist, Publishers Hall
Saul Friedmann, Knight Newspapers, syndicated columnist
Clayton Fritchey, syndicated columnist, Washington correspondent, Harpers
George Frazier, Boston Globe
Pete Hamill, New York Post
Michael Harrington, author and journalist; Member, Executive Comm. Socialist party
Sydney Harris, columnist, drama critic and writer of 'Strictly Personal,' syndicated Publishers Hall
Robert Healy, Boston Globe
William Hines, Jr., journalist; science and education, Chicago Sun Times
Stanley Karnow, foreign correspondent, Washington Post
Ted Knap, syndicated columnist, New York Daily News
Edwin Knoll, Progressive
Morton Kondracke, Chicago Sun Times
Joseph Kraft, syndicated columnist, Publishers Hall
James Laird, Philadelphia Inquirer
Max Lerner, syndicated columnist, New York Post; author, lecturer, professor.
Stanley Levey, Scripps Howard
Flora Lewis, syndicated columnist on economics
Stuart Loory, Los Angeles Times
Mary McGrory, syndicated columnist on New Left
Frank Mankiewicz, syndicated columnist, Los Angeles Times
James Millstone, St. Louis Post Dispatch
Martin Nolan, Boston Globe
Ed Guthman, L.A. Times
Thomas O'Neill, Baltimore Sun
John Pierson, Wall Street Journal
William Prochnau, Seattle Times
James Reston, New York Times
Carl Rowan, syndicated columnist, Publishers Hall
Warren Unna, Washington Post, NET
Harriet Van Horne, columnist, New York Post
Milton Viorst, reporter, author, writer
James Wechsler, New York Post
Tom Wicker, New York Times
Gary Wills, syndicated columnist, author of "Nixon-Agonistes."
The New York Times
Washington Post
St. Louis Post Dispatch
Jules Duscha, Washingtonian
Robert Manning, Editor Atlantic
John Osborne, New Republic
Richard Rovere, New Yorker
Robert Sherrill, Nation
Paul Samuelson, Newsweek
Julian Goodman, Chief Executive Officer, NBC
John Macy, Jr., Pres., Public Broadcasting Corporation; former Civil Service Comm.
Marvin Kalb, CBS
Daniel Schorr, CBS
Lem Tucker, NBC
Sander Vanocur, NBC
Carol Channing, actress.
Bill Cosby, actor.
Jane Fonda, actress.
Steve McQueen, actor.
Joe Namath, New York Giants; businessman; actor.
Paul Newman, actor.
Gregory Peck, actor.
Tony Randall, actor.
Barbra Streisand, actress.
Dick Gregory [comedian].
Charles B. Beneson, President, Beneson Realty Co.
Nelson Bengston, President, Bengston & Co.
Holmes Brown, Vice President, Public Relations, Continental Can Co.
Benjamin Buttenweiser, Limited Partner, Kuhn Loeb & Co.
Lawrence G. Chait, Chairman, Lawrence G. Chait & Co., Inc
Ernest R. Chanes, President, Consolidated Water Conditioning Co.
Maxwell Dane, Chairman, Exec. Committee, Doyle, Dane & Bernbach, Inc.
Charles H. Dyson, Chairman, The Dyson-Kissner Corp.
Norman Eisner, President, Lincoln Graphic Arts.
Charles B. Finch, Vice President, Alleghany Power System, Inc.
Frank Heineman, President, Men's Wear International.
George Hillman, President, Ellery Products Manufacturing Co.
Bertram Lichtenstein, President, Delton Ltd.
William Manealoff, President, Concord Steel Corp.
Gerald McKee, President, McKee, Berger, Mansueto.
Paul Milstein, President, Circle Industries Corp.
Stewart R. Mott, Stewart R. Mott, Associates.
Lawrence S. Phillips, President, Phillips-Van Heusen Corp.
David Rose, Chairman, Rose Associates.
Julian Roth, Senior Partner, Emery Roth & Sons.
William Ruder, President, Ruder & Finn, Inc.
Si Scharer, President, Scharer Associates, Inc.
Alfred P. Slaner, President, Kayser-Roth Corp.
Roger Sonnabend, Chairman, Sonesta International Hotels.
Business Executives Move for Vietnam Peace and New National Priorities Cont:
Morton Sweig, President. National Cleaning Contractors
Alan V. Tishman, Exec. VP, Tishman Realty & Construction Co., Inc.
Ira D. Wallach, President, Gottesman & Co., Inc.
George Weissman, President, Philip Morris Corp.
Ralph Weller, President, Otis Elevator Company
Clifford Alexander, Jr., Member, Equal Opportunity Comm.; LBJ's Spec. Assistant.
Hugh Calkins, Cleveland lawyer, member, Harvard Corporation.
Ramsey Clark, partner, Weiss, Goldberg, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison; former Attorney General.
Lloyd Cutler, lawyer, Wilmer, Cutler & Pickering, Washington, D.C.
Henry L. Kimelman, chief fund raiser for McGovern; Pres., Overview Group.
Raymond Lapin, former Pres., FNMA; corporation executive.
Hans F. Loeser, Chairman, Boston Lawyers' Vietnam Committee.
Robert McNamara, President, World Bank; former Secretary of Defense.
Hans Morgenthau, former US. Attorney in New York City
Victor Palmieri, lawyer, business consultant, real estate exec., Los Angeles.
Arnold Picker, Muskie's chief fund raiser; Chmn. Exec. Comm., United Artists.
Robert S. Pirie, Harold Hughes' chief fund raiser; Boston lawyer.
Joseph Rosenfield, Harold Hughes' money man; retired Des Moines lawyer.
Henry Rowen, Pres., Rand Corp., former Asst. Director of Budget (LBJ)
R. Sargent Shriver, Jr.
Theodore Sorensen, lawyer, Weiss, Goldberg, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, New York.
Ray Stark, Broadway producer.
Howard Stein, President and Director, Dreyfus Corporation.
Milton Semer, Chairman, Muskie Election Committee; lawyer, Semer and Jacobsen.
George H. Talbot, Pres., Charlotte Liberty Mutual Insurance Co. ; headed anti-VN ad.
Arthur Taylor, Vice President, International Paper Company.
Jack Valenti, President, Motion Picture Association.
Paul Warnke, Muskie financial supporter, former Asst. Secy. of Defense.
Thomas J. Watson, Jr., Muskie financial supporter; Chmn., IBM.
Michael Ellis De Bakey, Chmn., Dept. Surgery, Baylor University; Surgeon-in-chief, Ben Taub General Hospital, Texas
Derek Curtis Bok, Dean, Harvard Law School.
Kingman Brewster, Jr., President, Yale University.
McGeorge Bundy, President, Ford Foundation.
Avram Noam Chomsky, Professor of Modern Languages, MIT.
Daniel Ellsberg, Professor, MIT.
George Drennen Fischer, Member, Executive Committee. National Education Assn.
J. Kenneth Galbraith, Professor of Economics, Harvard.
Patricia Harris, educator, lawyer, former U.S. ambassador; Chmn Welfare Committee Urban League.
Walter Heller, Regents Professor of Economics.
Edwin Land, Professor of Physics, MIT.
Herbert Ley, Jr., former FDA Commissioner; Professor of Epidemiology, Harvard.
Matthew Stanley Meselson, Professor of Biology, Harvard.
Lloyd N. Morrisett, Professor and Associate Dir., Education Program, U. of Calif.
Joseph Rhodes, Jr., Fellow, Harvard; Member, Scranton Comm. on Campus Unrest.
Bayard Rustin, civil rights activist; Dir., A. Philip Randolph Institute, New York.
David Selden, President, American Federation of Teachers.
Arthur Schlesinger, Jr., Professor of Humanities, City University of New York.
Jeremy Stone, Director, Federation of American Scientists.
Jerome Wiesner, President, MIT.
Samuel M. Lambert, Pres., National Education Assn.

YOU CAN NOT HAVE A MEANINGFUL BIRTHDAY IF STRICT CAKE RECORDS ARE NOT KEPT

It's Gary Gygax's birthday!  The referee may include a preplanned encounter with fondue, a cask conditioned ale, and Gold & Mild cigars.  Alternately, the referee may roll 1d10 for birthday cake:

1. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/hot-milk-cake
2. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chocolate-truffle-cake
3. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/cream-cheese-pound-cake
4. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/toffee-poke-cake
5. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/pineapple-pudding-cake
6. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/vermont-maple-pecan-cake
7. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chocolate-banana-cream-cake
8. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/classic-carrot-cake
9. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/chunky-apple-cake
10. http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/ultimate-chocolate-cake

In the event of a random cake encounter, the day is usually arranged into three periods (breakfast, lunch, and dinner).  Cake has a 1-in-20 chance of appearing at any of these times.  This may be adjusted according to the referee's game milieu.

Dave Ryder Random Nickname Generator

About two-and-a-half weeks ago, Charm Monster released the East/West Bowl Random Name Generator.  A friend of mine recommended doing one for Dave Ryder (of Space Mutiny fame) according to his list of MST3K nicknames.

So, without further ado, roll 1d46 (go on random.org if you're stuck):

01 Beat PunchBeef
02 Big, Brave Brick of Meat
03 Big McLargeHuge
04 Blast HardCheese
05 Blast ThickNeck
06 Bob Johnson
07 Bold BigFlank
08 Bulk VanderHuge
09 Brick HardMeat
10 Buck PlankChest
11 Buff DrinkLots
12 Buff HardBack
13 Butch DeadLift
14 ChunkHead
15 Chunky
16 Crud BoneMeal
17 Crunch ButtSteak
18 Dirk HardPec
19 Fist RockBone
20 Flink
21 Flint IronStag
22 Fridge LargeMeat
23 Gristle McThornBody
24 Hack BlowFist
25 Hunk
26 Lump BeefBroth
27 Punch RockGroin
28 Punch Side-Iron
29 Punt SpeedChunk
30 Reef BlastBody
31 Roll Fizzlebeef
32 Rip SteakFace
33 Slab BulkHead
34 Slab SquatThrust
35 Slam
36 Slate Fistcrunch
37 Slate SlabRock
38 Smash LampJaw
39 Smoke ManMuscle
40 Splint ChestHair
41 Stump BeefKnob
42 Stump Chunkman
43 Thick McRunFast
44 Touch RustRod
45 Trunk SlamChest
46 Whip SlagCheek

Review: Dungeons & Dragons, Fifth Edition

Based upon the Basic Rules and Starter Set, it's emphatically D&D.  (It even says it on the cover!)

We can all go back to our lives now.

Ask Chaaths-Neb, the Eternal Pharaoh

What's the deal with space aliens? — Casey Garske

WHAT IS THIS FOOLISH MORTAL, WHO WISHES TO LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE OUTLANDERS?  HEAR A TALE OF PATHETIC WRETCHES TOO WEAK TO SURVIVE ON ANY WORLD: FOR UNTOLD MILLENNIA, THE INVADERS FROM THE SKY HAVE COME TO CARCOSA TO PILLAGE ITS BOUNTY.  THEIR BULBOUS HEADS LACK THE SECRETS OF SORCERY OR THE CAPACITY FOR PSIONICS.  THEIR TECHNOLOGY CANNOT PENETRATE THE PSYCHIC BARRIERS I HAVE ERECTED AROUND MYSELF.  THEY MINE, THEY EXPERIMENT, BUT THEY ARE CHILDREN BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE MUMMIES OF THE RADIOACTIVE DESERT OR OF THE OLD ONES THAT SLUMBER WITHIN CARCOSA.  THE WILL AND WISDOM OF NYARLATHOTEP WILL FORCE THE BULBOUS-HEADED SKY-MEN TO FLEE FROM SAVAGE CARCOSA.  SURELY, THE DOOM OF FALLING STARS WILL SCOUR THEIR GREY PLAGUE FROM THIS LAND.

THEY ARE DOOMED TO EXTINCTION, JUST AS THE SERPENT MEN BEFORE THEM.

****************************************

Dear C-N,

I'm having some problems with my coworkers. We run a cleaning and home repair service and we were hired to clean up this old abandoned structure. We kicked out the squatters, patched up some electrical problems, scrubbed up some slime, nothing out of the ordinary. It's taking time, but we're getting the job done. Then some people came over and everybody slowed down. This one guy, real cold and stiff sort, tried to slip out while no one was paying attention. Two of my crew decided to lie down on the job rather than help clear out the room. Personally, I don't think it's appropriate or professional for the team leader to "take a dirt nap" with the only woman on the team. And plus, the one chain smoker in the group decided to step out into the hall, light one up, and broke this old jar with some nasty fluid inside. It made a huge mess all over the hall. I've been with most of these guys since we were in the military and I'd trust them with my life, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Scaled and Frustrated in Carcosa

YOU ARE A DICK.

ADVICE FROM CHAATHS-NEB

BEHOLD THE ETERNAL PHARAOH, CHAATHS-NEB

So I've been running two 4e groups through the first level of my Carcosa megadungeon in preparation for finalizing it and running it on Google+ (probably in Labyrinth Lord), and one of the adventuring parties encountered a bombastic mummy brain called Chaaths-Neb.

Despite the fact that they killed him, he lives on eternally — because I think he's going to start an advice column:

IMPUDENT MORTALS, BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT AND COLLECTED WISDOM OF CHAATHS-NEB, THE ETERNAL PHARAOH OF THE RADIOACTIVE DESERT.  THE HERALD OF NYARLATHOTEP AND THE OMNISCIENT SEER OF FALLEN STARS AND BARREN WASTES CALLS UPON MILLENNIA OF FORBIDDEN WISDOM AND LORE.  BRING YOUR PATHETIC QUERIES BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE ETERNAL PHARAOH, AND PERHAPS HE SHALL MERCIFULLY GIFT YOU WITH SOME OF HIS BOUNDLESS KNOWLEDGE.

(If you ask for advice in the comments, Chaaths-Neb will respond over time.  If I get enough of a response, this might become a regular feature.  Feel free to submit your queries in "Dear Abbey" fashion, signed with a descriptive anonymous tag.)

The Decamer Campaign

Hot on the heels of my Fiend Folio campaign setting, I came across this Gnome Stew article describing a campaign in which you take whichever ten D&D monsters you think are the dumbest and write a campaign featuring them.  (Basically like Jeff Rients' proscriptive campaign creation or noisms' 2d6 random creatures as the core of a campaign setting, except a trifle more silly in conception.  Also a good time to note noisms list of his ten favorite monsters.)

You should go read it.

The Perils of Online Meetups

This guy apparently met some people in person while responding to an advert to play D&D.  The video explains better than I could:

On Game of Thrones:

"I keep hearing all these barmy berks rattling their bone-boxes about Lannisters and Starks and Targaryens, but I can't bang my brain-box on it. Clueless and primes to the last man. The dark of it is that I've never seen those Westeros types banging around the Cage, that's for damn sure. Just a collection of outsiders, screeds, and sods. So what if they've got jink or galbas, or if a bunch of bodies are counting worms? They don't know the chant about the Blood War, and they aren't offering me a ride. Pike it, leatherhead." — Tratus Pastoj, planewalker

That Old Blogroll Eggroll

Some more aggregation because my players read this, so I have nothing to give at the moment.  (I'm running my 1st-level AD&D dungeon, The Tower of Lord Vau, this Sunday, so that will hopefully go up in the not-too-distant future.)

There's apparently a new World of Darkness book line, and I totally missed it!  Mummy: the Curse has been released.  I have not yet obtained it, and so have no thoughts to offer, although I'm certain this information is relevant to someone reading this blog.

The Drinking Quest 3 Indiegogo campaign is right on track to hit its goal by the deadline.  I haven't played the first two, but I've heard good things; it's a comedy card game/RPG.  And it's a drinking game.  Relevant to the many.  The first one is currently out-of-print, although you can purchase it through the Indiegogo campaign.

This blog post from Character Generation details a gamer running a solo Pathfinder game for a first-time player, her mother.  It's quite hilarious.  You know the intro blurb to the DCC RPG: "You're no hero.  You're an adventurer: a reaver, a cutpurse, a heathen-slayer, a tight-lipped warlock guarding long-dead secrets. You seek gold and glory, winning it with sword and spell, caked in the blood and filth of the weak, the dark, the demons, and the vanquished. There are treasures to be won deep underneath, and you shall have them."  Yeah, that's totally her mother.  Read it!

The same author more recently wrote a piece regarding her new campaign set in an ecumenopolis modeled after Ravnica.  For background, the group played Lords of Waterdeep, followed by Fiasco.  She'll then launch the actual Pathfinder game itself.  As a bonus, she even includes the Fiasco playset she wrote!

Finally, I happened to catch a show on National Geographic detailing the Bahia Emerald.  Apart from the geological processes that form gemstones, I've never much cared about them; preparing old-school dungeons has whetted my appetite for gems and precious stones of all stripes.  This story is truly fascinating, and contains all the elements that make for a good roleplaying game scenario: the largest emerald in the world is discovered, and several parties claim ownership.  It also touches on the intrigue present in the world of appraisal and gem trading.  (Who knew?)

Interested parties with forty-five minutes to kill may watch the program in its entirety below:

Things for your Monday

It's been a while since I've done one of these.

hatefulping brought this RPG.net thread about Beyond the Wall and Other Adventures to my attention.  The basic design characteristics are that it's to be a simple OSR game that models the activities of kids going on their first adventure.  Extra kits have been added to include the typical Tolkien-esque supernatural creatures (dwarves, elves, and halflings) as starting characters.  The playtest documents are free, so you should check 'em out.

rushputin (and I'm linking directly to Warpstone Pile for reasons) brought The Terrific Horrific Ultimate Monster Name Generator to my attention.  I've gathered gems such as Mile-Long Linda the Vexing Snail, the Grotesque Hidden Intestine, and the Prince that Whispers about the Beyond.  Perfect for random villainous sobriquets.

Finally, I try to keep this gaming-related, but I might as well share the Thumbs and Ammo blog while I'm here.  Movie scenes have been photoshopped to replace characters holding guns with characters giving the thumbs up.  It's a good way to waste a couple of minutes.

Review: Rapture's Voyage

Being Valentine's Day and all, I figured I would do something appropriately-themed.  As a word of warning, my review posts tend to draw the highest traffic (ostensibly because a large number of people are searching for the subject of the review).

This...probably won't be one of those posts.

Bedroom Adventures: Rapture's Voyage doesn't actually exist.  I know this because I went around looking for an appropriate summary page (I usually link to Wikipedia articles and suchlike in the main text).  I didn't find any.  Nothing on Wikipedia, nothing on BoardGameGeek.  Nada.  The company, TDC Games, still exists, but from the look of things, did not continue the Bedroom Adventures product line (an advert on the back references the next in the series, Ecstasy Fulfilled, but I can find no evidence of its existence).  In fact, they don't reference Rapture's Voyage at all, apparently having stricken it from the histories.

Of course, no matter how deeply one attempts to bury one's shame, the internet illuminates all.  There is an archived 1993 article from The Seattle Times that discusses the game, for example.  Also, there is a series of videos depicting people playing the game at a party for laughs.

The Game: Rapture's Voyage is a combination role-playing game and board game, drawing from the tropes of romance novels.  It is meant as an intimate game for two lovers, and I strongly suspect it has never been played this way.  The male character is Lord Jonathan Coulter, a noble-turned-pirate, and the female character is Abigail Marie Charington, a wealthy dilettante whose family has fallen on hard times and has been forced to flee an arranged marriage.  She is currently masquerading as a young boy, but Captain Coulter determines her to be a woman in the prelude.

Although I like the idea that he's looking for a young boy, finds an adult woman instead, and decides to roll with it.

Each character has a script, following the format of a choose-your-own-adventure or solo RPG.  The two scripts cross-reference so that you can keep pace with each other.  There is limited decision-making, and there is a spinner that is used for some actions to add an element of chance.

The default path assumes a rather pedestrian romance novel script — douchebag captain calls in young "boy" to mess with her, they become some manner of friends, she nearly dies in a squall, both fall in love, and live happily ever after.

Did I mention that the timetable is only two days long?

The game's unplanned humor comes from the cheesy writing quality and interjection of various tropes.  Coulter notes a crewman who might be a South Seas cannibal, and Charington's arranged husband "was a disgusting dredge of a man with wisps of course [sic] orange hair grown long at the sides and brushed across the top of a shiny bald spot.  It was a contest to see which part of his body protruded more... his eyes or his stomach.  His breath could tarnish silver.  He was at least fifty, stuttered when angry and had a penchant for young women... young inexperienced women, to be more precise."

A South Seas cannibal and a deep one hybrid?  Around Boston?  This should be pretty awesome.

For me, though, the best part of the game is the potential for failure.  The game does have a couple of "Game Over" conditions — in skimming and playing this monstrosity, I found two death conditions and a nonstandard game over.  It is possible for Lord Coulter to attempt to lift Abigail Charington over his head and suffer a fatal heart attack, it is possible for Coulter to make a move such that Charington shivs him to death, and it is possible for Coulter to discover a birth mark that marks Charington as his long-lost sister, so they stop making love.

Awkward.

If there are more lose conditions, I didn't encounter them.

Play this game if you have time to kill and someone hilarious with which to play it.  Drink helps, too.

Since there is no way my rambling will do this game justice, you should probably make sure you watch those videos I linked earlier.  Here they are again:

Unicorns in Rockulon Prime

Exactly.

Potion Miscibility in Rockulon Prime

I'm going to go ahead and say that nobody should watch this.  Wizards get sick and things get nasty.

A Better Unknown Armies Review

Truly, this Buzzfeed article is better than the core rulebook at explaining Unknown Armies.

Here are some gems from the article:

A Quick Update

I still have been otherwise engaged, although gaming has continued as usual.  There should be a Deadlands replay next week, for example, and I'll likely be updating the Crux of Eternity page within the very near future, but there probably won't be any additional game resources at the moment.

I will say, though, that I learned I could take a fair number of baboons in a fight.  So there's that.

Created by Oatmeal

Dungeon Hustle

This Accurately Depicts LotFP

It's fantasy, it's metal, and the dude even gets frustrated and flips a table when he realizes that the adventure just isn't going to work in his favor.

That accurately captures Weird Fantasy Role-Playing.

 

But nobody does it like Alan Rickman. 

 

El Tiburón, the Bulette of Scandshar!

So, a while back, one of my associates posted this:

A half-orc monk luchadore annihilates a dragon.  Click to enlarge.

So, the other day, I was messing with companion characters for fourth edition, and I was inspired to make this guy.  He might adventure with the Shields of the Sorrowfell, he might not.  It remains to be seen.

As written, he is a suitable companion character for parties of level 8-10.

So, without further ado, I present El Tiburón:

Astute observers will note that his Grab is nothing special, but I included the grapple action for ease of reference.